Amazing book

I love picking up books randomly from the library.. Well, not so random.. Usually random authors, but only fiction books.. It gave me such fresh and original writings that I've come to love turning to the first page and getting to know the author. Of course you've to have quite an open mind to be able to accept whatever you stumble upon. That's why I try to read at least 50 pages before deciding whether to continue reading the book or not. Mostly I end up finishing the book. Examples?

Most brilliant example is when I randomly picked up a book by the author 'Ruth Rendell' not knowing what to expect, only knowing it was a psychological thriller. Oh gosh, I was blown away completely by how she handled the story. It was so haunting, so real and yet quite unexpectedly interspersed with dry humour. I loved her books so much that I read all the books (and there were quite a number) in my community library's collection.

Another time I picked up a book that talked about a man being possessed and going on a murderous rampage. And the book was written from the point of view of the demon that possessed the guy. Imagine that. It was unexpected, amazing and downright disturbing. But I did read the book. I got to the mid-way point of the book, completely mesmerized by the words and my imagination, before realizing with horror that I was beginning to creep myself out. So I made myself stop.

And then I picked up this book recently called "Weekend Warriors" by Fern Michaels. Again, it was quite a random selection, but from the description at the back it sounded like a 'chic lit' kinda story about some avenging females. Ok. I've read chick-lit before and they were mostly fun, at least amusing. So I read the first few pages. It sounded like a really dumb book. Then I told myself not to judge too quickly and actually read the first 30 pages. Seriously, it sucked big time, but I managed to get through 30 pages. It was horrible! The IQ level needed to read this book is probably -40! It was so stupid that I couldn't believe the book looked well thumbed by many borrowers before me. I mean, really it was really bad ok? So bad that I felt like returning the book to the publisher to try and save the next unsuspecting borrower the pain I went through. Amazingly extraordinarily bad book. It NEVER should have been published. Now, I want to be fair here, and I won't comment on the author. After all I haven't read other books by Fern Michaels. So my next plan is to read another book by the same author so I can find out if this horrifyingly bad book is an anomaly.

I should stop being so depressed.

mind-reading

I can't figure out what my face shows to other people. Some have told me I have an impassive face, showing not much emotion, always level-headed etc., etc.,... But then during a presentation course I attended, one of my instructor's comments was that my face was transparent, revealing all the emotions I felt inside.. So whenever I think about myself, I always begin to wonder what other people see me as. It's so difficult to view myself in the third person. Yeah, like having an out-of-body experience, but also knowing the opinions of other people instead of just what I look like to them. Oh how badly I want to be a mind-reader! Sometimes I'll give anything to know what really goes on in other people's minds, because I believe most people don't say what they mean or mean what they say. Too often people lie to please others, to be polite, to benefit themselves or (like me) just to escape the situation. All that said, I think I'll continue to lie to certain people (or at least avoid the truth), just to avoid emotionally draining confrontations. I can't help it, I really do not want to justify my actions when I do nothing wrong. I'm tired of trying to justify myself, so I lie about my actions. And that gets me through the day.Sometimes, in some drastic situations, it's better to lie, I agree. But we all lie so much that speaking the truth, no matter the consequences, can be a huge relief. I wish there will come a day when we don't have to lie anymore, when we are not scrutinized and judged for every single thing we do or not do, when we can speak the truth and just be accepted. And from that day onwards, I would not want to be a mind-reader anymore...

Stuff my boss says

We were in the lab. I was in the middle of an experiment, scanning my sample using a microscope. My boss suddenly said “You know, I think this government is committed to spreading wealth among its people”. I looked at him dumbfounded and confused, thinking about what that had to do with the experiment and wondering when he became a supporter of the government. Seeing my dazed expression, he took out a $10 note and explained, “I always find notes dropped on the floor, and almost always it’s one of these plastic notes. I think the government purposely makes these slippery plastic notes so that wealth will be redistributed among the people.”

People

I have often thought about the influence of people around us. How their opinions, priorities, physical appearance or just their presence can shape our lives. I've often wondered if I'll be happier if I had frequent contact with more people. I do limit myself to 3 or 4 people whom I can be close with, but maybe that's not good. Maybe it's necessary to have more than 4 because (as it happened in my life) when some of those 3 or 4 people drift away, you just feel empty. You feel like you're lonely, even if there's 1 person who's left.
I recently saw a talk on ted.com by Elif Shafak, an author talking about identity politics in fiction. It is not relevant here to talk about identity politics, but it really struck a chord in me when she talked about knowing people who are completely different from us and reading stories that are drastically different from our lives. Here are a few quotes from that talk:

If you want to destroy something in life, be it an acne, a blemish or the human soul, all you need to do is to surround it with thick walls. It will dry up inside... If we have no connection whatsoever with the worlds beyond the one we take for granted, then we too run the risk of drying up inside. Our imagination might shrink. Our hearts might dwindle. And our humanness might wither if we stay for too long inside our cultural cocoons...Our friends, neighbors, colleagues, family -- if all the people in our inner circle resemble us, it means we are surrounded with our mirror image.

When we are reading a good novel, we leave our small, cozy apartments behind, go out into the night alone and start getting to know people we had never met before and perhaps had even been biased against.

ceiling fan spinning

I sit here in my room at 11.13pm on a Sunday night. The only lights I see are from the laptop monitor and the blue table lamp beside the bed. The only sounds I hear are the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard and the ceiling fan spinning above me. It's easy to become philosophical at a time like this. Easy to start thinking that you've got something to say. And that's why I created this blog I guess. The sound of the ceiling fan spinning somehow calms me, puts me in the thinking zone. Right now I start thinking about the uncertain week ahead, not sure how I'm going to handle it. And I start thinking of a quote I heard recently from (of all sources) a TV show quoting (of all people) William Shakespeare. He apparently said "Love all, trust few and do harm to none." I would think that's what I've been trying to do all my life, don't think I need a quote to tell me that. I know I don't trust people easily, but I do give them the benefit of the doubt, try to see things from their point of view, let them be who/what they want to be and try to accept them for who they are. So, I say "Love all, trust few, do harm to none."